I would like to thank my fellow @subsunion friends for the chance to write an article for this great blog.

To introduce myself, I'm the wrong side of 40, my kink name is Marmy and I have been sessioning for 7 years under the skill and talent of the wonderful Mistress Lilith.

I don't pretend to be an expert. I am always learning about myself and the kink world I am now involved in, so what follows is just my personal opinion. I expect everyone else will have a differing view.

I want to talk about pain in a session and why I enjoy it.

Now in my real life pain has a big part to play.

I have 2 arthritic knees from a 30+ year football career and every morning I can hardly walk for the stiffness and pain in them. I also suffer periodic cluster migraine headaches. These are the real thing, often referred to as suicide headaches such is the pain for the sufferers that they would rather die than have them. They've been described as the equivalent of amputation without anaesthetic.

I can barely move when one of them attacks, the agony is truly unbearable. The house could be on fire and I could not get up and walk out. I just have to lie in the fetal position. Thankfully they only appear every 4-5 years and the older I get the longer the period between them.

So I hope the above is not too off topic, but I wanted to explain what part pain plays in my life and I'd say that my credentials for pain in the real world are second to none.

Why then, do I enjoy pain in a session?

I'm not sure I know the answer to that.

It is a different type of pain I suppose.

I am in the expert hands of Mistress Lilith, whom I trust implicitly and our sessions are safe, sane and consensual as all should be.

Because of this trust, I find the sessions getting more and more severe and my tolerance for pain greater. As always, I give great credit to Mistress Lilith for this. I want to please her of course and make the session really fun and  Mistress Lilith encourages me to push my limits.

But never do I feel pressurised or unsafe in her wickedly expert hands.

Maybe the fact I have wasted a lot of time before accepting this kink side of me and I want to make up for lost time?
This, I think, is also is a reason why I enjoy the pain and want more and more severe punishment during a session.

It just feels right. It is hard to explain unless you have experienced it.

You see something like the truly scary black carbon-fibre cane and are told there will be 20 strokes administered.

After  the first one I am ready to shout out the horrible-but-funny safe sentence that Mistress Lilith has given me. However I somehow manage to resist, even though I know I will be crying out and end up properly crying,  I take the full 20 strokes.

It is funny that the very real and deep pain brings out feelings of overwhelming joy. At the same time I don't think it is bravery or stupidity... it seems to be more wanting to please Mistress and wanting to test my limits and boundaries.

Also I find, during the increasingly long wait between sessions, I like to be able to look at the marks, days, even weeks after the punishment.

So I don't think I have really answered the question of why I enjoy pain, especially when my real world is full of it. I just know when I am in the middle of some serious punishment, with more to come, I feel more alive and happier than I ever have at anytime in my  life.