TLDR: A while ago I posted a thread describing the process I went through for my first ever session with a professional Mistress and I thought I would expand upon it slightly.

A curiosity that couldn't be cured...

I had always wondered what it would be like to see a professional Dominatrix over the years. I would go through periods of waxing and waning interest ..and browsing or shopping habits that would always circle back to femdom, specifically pegging.

Over the years I accumulated plenty of toys and tried out a wide variety of things but always alone, always hiding my kinks from those in my vanilla life, my shameful secret.

I can't pinpoint the exact moment that I'd had enough of playing solo but I knew deep down that I had wasted too many years wishing and wondering. I also knew I wanted the experience to be with someone who both knew what they were doing and enjoyed it. I wanted an expert, a Professional.

Research

I'm not the impulsive type so once I'd finally decided to try a session with a professional Dominatrix, the next logical step was to do my research.

I don't like pain (I don't ever want to be kicked in the balls for example) so I was pretty sure I didn't want the more physical style of Domination that my mind conjured up from stereotypes, bad movies, documentaries and online clips.

I browsed online for professional Mistresses in my area that had one or two things I definitely wanted to experience listed on their preferred services, namely pegging (or strapon) and chastity keyholding. I guessed that if they had gone to the trouble of specifically listing it, it would be something they were happy to do.

As well as reading their websites and profiles (many times over), I followed their social media accounts. I took my time to learn and absorb all the information I could as I began to form a plan for booking my first session.

I think it was this time that really helped me find the right kind of Professional for me, as well as more importantly, avoid the most common mistakes that newcomers to kink often make.

It was mainly through social media that I began to understand all the things that frustrated Professional Mistresses. There were a lot of these!

Timewasting was probably the thing I saw most. From clients expecting exhaustive exchanges upfront or simply trying to sext or repeatedly call Professionals at all hours.

There were the unsolicited dick pic ones who were so handsome that surely a professional was just waiting for this amazing opportunity!

The ones who couldn't follow simple instructions for booking and screening.

The ones who wanted to negotiate rates or had tremendous difficulty in sending deposits.

The ones who texted 'Sup babe, u avails in 15min?'

The ones who asked for a specific services when the Mistress was very clear on all their public information that they did not offer them.

The ones who wrote elaborate scripted fantasies expecting busy professionals to spend an hour reading and then act out to the letter.

It was this last type that was most enlightening for me.

Having spent many years fantasising about having a session, I had built up elaborate kinky scenarios of my own. So seeing this type of feedback from Mistresses really opened my eyes.

It actually got me to re-evaluate my expectations completely.


I realised that I could never get an exact scenario acted out in my session as it was in my head. It just wouldn't be real, authentic, worthwhile.

In fact, what I wanted was to share an experience with another human. A two-way interaction with another person, not some sexualised robot. This really brought into focus for me that I would be meeting a complete stranger.

Someone who didn't know anything about me.

I would only know them from what they shared through their online profile and social media accounts.

I did want to have amazing experiences, but I began to think less in terms of having the ultimate one-off session like somehow winning the kink lottery and more in terms of finding someone to build up a fun dynamic with over time. Someone I felt comfortable sharing my kinks with. Someone who could get to know me and the little things that made me tick. Equally, I could get to know them a little. A real dynamic.

First Contact

By this time I had also decided with whom I would like to try my very first BDSM femdom session. There were actually two Dommes who regularly held sessions together in my area.

Now it might seem like a crazy idea to start with two Dominatrixes for my very first experience. I knew I would be very nervous and probably quiet in that first session. I guessed that meeting two work colleagues who were friends, instead of being alone with a complete stranger, they would be more relaxed and there would be less pressure on me to converse during the session.

Whether or not it actually made any difference I can't say, but it made me feel more comfortable, and looking back, I think it was one of the best decisions I made.

I vividly remember the agony of writing and rewriting that first email.

For a start, I decided that two paragraphs would be the maximum. I would aim for a neutral tone. Not too cold, not flirty, not trying to be overly familiar based on obsessive reading of their sites and following their social media lives.

A brief introduction of who I was, my zero previous experience, three things that interested me most about femdom and three things that I would say were limits.

The second paragraph was about my preferred session length and a few dates I would be available.

Those who have written this kind of first-time email will know the mixture of fear and adrenaline that comes when you finally say ... 'fuck it' and hit send.

No going back

I received an email reply the next day. I remember seeing the name on the email pop up on my phone but I was in vanilla world during the day and had to wait until I was alone. That wait felt like forever...

I had expected from my research that they would request a phone call as part of their screening process and in their first email response they did. They would want my number, so no blocking and to get a 'read' of me during a brief chat.  

It was all getting very real at this stage. My stomach was doing cartwheels as I dialled the number that first time and I was fighting the nerves in my voice.

It was Mistress Nina who answered. She said my email was fine, a model example in fact. I had included all the information she needed.

We briefly discussed that since I was completely new to this, a kind of beginner session would be ideal, where I could try out a number of different activities and could incorporate a couple of the things I had mentioned in my initial email.

We agreed on one of the times I had suggested and she explained that my booking would be confirmed once I sent the deposit, the details of which she would send on in another email.

I had a couple of questions memorized that I nervously blurted out about the facilities and then we said our goodbyes.

As promised, she sent on the details for the deposit which I paid promptly then confirmed.

Then a final email just to confirm everything and that she would be in touch shortly before the session with the meeting protocol and the location where we would meet.

The long dark night of the soul

I had booked the session a little over three weeks in advance. In hindsight, this was probably my biggest mistake as the wait was absolute TORTURE!

My mind would lurch between terror and elation. I imagined all the worst-case scenarios. I would hate it. I would be injured. It will be amazing. I can't go through with it. You've come this far, it's time to finally act on the impulse. But ... a dungeon..two Dommes...can I really do this. I'm going to be pegged, this is what I've fantasized about forever! I'm going to be naked and vulnerable in front of two complete strangers who could do anything to me. Will my limits be respected? Did I communicate clearly and honestly enough? YES ... NO ... ARGH!

I wasn't much use to anyone those few weeks. I could think of little else as time dragged on. I tried to occupy myself with practical matters of planning.

I decided that I would bring a couple of gifts, some chocolates and champagne for that first session. I wanted to make a good impression meeting two strangers who, within minutes, I was going to be naked in front of. Naked and sharing something more intimate, honest and raw than I had ever shared with anyone else.

I wanted them to like me. I wanted us all to enjoy the experience.

I had requested strapon too so there was the matter of 'prep' to attend to. Before the day arrived, I had every minute planned out to ensure I arrived exactly on time and in the cleanest most well-groomed state I could possibly be.

Just follow the plan...

As promised, I received an email a couple of days before the session containing the dungeon address, instructions on confirming on the day and what to do when I arrived.

I remember getting very little sleep the night before. The mixture of fear, excitement and adrenaline however kept me alert and the plan I had worked out beforehand helped to calm the nerves.

That morning I confirmed exactly two hours before our session as I had been asked.

I remember standing there in my home, ready to go. I was clean as a whistle, inside and out, as good as I can be. Breathing deep, heart racing and thinking....

Provide the tribute without being asked at the start. Be open to the experience, be polite, be honest, show respect, be on time, leave on time. Remember the bits of protocol you've read about. Don't be an ignorant knob, listen and obey.

Then I could wait no longer. It was time to make my way to my very first session, first dungeon, first Dominatrixes. With each step my legs felt heavier and heavier. I was in a kind of daze, but the planning paid off as I was just following what I'd rehearsed in my head a hundred times over those three weeks.

Judgement Day

It was Mistress Nina that opened the door and invited me in.

Holy shit, this is really happening!

As I was offered a seat and we sat down I said Hi to Mistress Nina and Mistress Kitty, all the while trying hard to resist the urge to survey my unfamiliar surroundings and focus my attention on our discussion. I pretty quickly blurted out that I was excited but very nervous!

We chatted for a few minutes as they covered things like safe words, roughly what we would be doing today, the likes and limits we had communicated beforehand and how we would proceed. It was all very calm, clear and reassuring. There were no nasty surprises, all the unlikely nightmare scenarios in my head began to melt away and I began to relax.

The chat concluded, I was asked to strip and go onto all fours in front of them. The mixture of nerves and adrenaline really messed with my memory so at this point the rest of that first session is all a bit of a blur.

We tried a variety of different things as had been discussed. I was spanked, restrained, blindfolded. teased with words, touch, electrics and pinwheel.
My main interest had been for anal play and strapon, I duly received both with my first spit-roast thrown in for good measure.

With the fun concluded, we chatted a little as I got dressed, then said our goodbyes. I thought we all had fun that day.

I left in a blissful haze, practically floating on air.

It wasn't one of the epic fantasies from my imagination, but it was real.

It wasn't long before I arranged a second...and a third...

It's a journey, not a destination

Since that first session, I have booked many more.

I no longer fear the unknown. The dungeon isn't an unfamiliar place. My Mistresses are no longer strangers. They know me. I know them. We have built up mutual trust that makes each session better than the last. They encourage me. They guide me.

They have fun with me.

If you have read this far but never acted on your own curiosity, then whatever your kink might be, I hope reading this helps you to take that leap of faith to start your own incredible adventure.