I've been debating with myself for a while on whether or not to write about the subject of sub drop. The reason i have decided to do so is because i have been asked by a couple of people if i would do it and in addition to this i have also received Direct Messages once or twice in the past year asking for my advice on the subject.
Let me say first of all that i do not claim to be any kind of expert on this, i still often struggle with it myself and in reality i still don't fully understand it either. What i can do is share my experience, the feelings i have had and the things that have helped me combat it to some degree. I do still sometimes wonder if it's just down days or anxiety i am suffering from and not sub drop at all but having said that the fact remains that often between my sessions my mood gets very very low.
So what is sub drop?
Here is a brief description from google.
Over the past year i have read a wee bit about sub drop...
To try and put it into my own words and in simple terms. During the high of an intense bdsm session your brain releases certain chemicals that act as a natural kind of drug.. You know that feeling during a session where you feel a little bit drunk and you know that your Mistress is all that matters and you will do whatever she says, or the wonderful high you feel when you can be your true self for a couple of hours in a safe place and in your mind the outside world no longer exists? Or that buzz you still feel for hours and sometimes even days afterwards?...
...Well eventually that buzz, that high wears off and what you are left with is the inevitable hangover that is sub drop. When i'm feeling down it normally starts with me feeling upset for no good reason, that can then turn into anxiety and lots of overthinking and before i know it my insecurities have convinced me i'm no good and not important. It can be a very lonely feeling.
The first time i experienced a drop was less than a year ago. This may be somewhat surprising given my long experience as a submissive. It's my belief that this was mainly down to the fact i had never felt such a strong connection with a Mistress before than i have now with Mistress Elysia, this in turn makes for my sessions to feel more intense and meaningful.
Sub drop can hit you anywhere. You don't have to be sat at home alone. It can happen at work, while you are out or even while you are surrounded by family or friends. The first time it happened to me it took me by surprise. It happened while i was surrounded by thousands of people at a football match.
Earlier that day i'd had a very intense session. There had been moments during this particular session where my connection and trust in Mistress Elysia had grown substantially.
In these intense moments i had realised that i was safe with her and that she could read my reactions better than anyone ever had before. It was a very important day for me, realising and knowing that i was now free to push my limits and try new things with a Mistress i could trust unconditionally. The session ended and as always Mistress told me to message her when i got home. On this day however i wasn't heading straight home as i was going to Ibrox first to watch the football.
I was sat in my seat watching the match when about 20 minutes in i suddenly started to feel upset for no reason. I could feel actual tears filling my eyes. I remember it all so clearly, it was Rangers v Hearts, we eventually won 2-0 but the score was still 0-0 when the drop hit me. I honestly thought i was going to start bubbling right there in the middle of the stadium. Half time arrived, i took a wee walk and i tried to compose myself, i sat back down for the 2nd half but after a few minutes and with the score now 1-0 to my team i decided i had to leave early and get myself home. I just couldn't shake off the sad upset feeling i had. Significantly i also remember the moment we scored to go 1-0 up, everyone around me was jumping up to celebrate while i was just stood there wanting to cry.
I got home and i messaged Mistress Elysia about what had happened. This was the point where she told me it sounded like sub drop. This was the first time i had ever heard of it but i was lucky enough that it had happened while i was serving a Domme like Mistress Elysia. She talked me through it, gave me some advice and special instructions and most importantly told me to stay in touch and let her know how i was feeling later that night and the following morning. It was a comfort to know she was there for me and it is a bond that has only grown stronger. Every session with Mistress Elysia has me full of intense feelings and emotions so as you would expect i have down days quite often between my sessions.
Fortunately there are ways to try and combat these feelings when they happen.
So what helps with sub drop?
Everyone will be different but below are a few things that have helped me in the past year when i've felt down between sessions. The first thing is quite an obvious one... Talk to your Domme, let her know how you are feeling, communicate with her and she will help you through it. (sometimes i should listen to my own advice and not bottle things up)
There's a lot of standard advice. Stuff like curl up under your duvet, have a bath, eat something you enjoy etc etc. I personally find listening to music can be helpful. This is just one of the reasons i started making Mix Cd's for Mistress Elysia.
Firstly listening to the music soothes my mind and in addition to that i enjoy trying to compile just the right collection of songs that my Mistress will enjoy and that hopefully will make her happy, after all when all is said and done, her smile is the best medicine for me.
Another thing i found helpful was writing. Sometimes just putting down how you are feeling in words can help you work through the unfamiliar emotions you are feeling. I found myself for a period of time writing poems for Mistress which she seemed to enjoy so it was another thing i could do to distract myself while i waited for my next session to arrive. The fact that Mistress Elysia enjoyed them also helped my confidence.
Finally and most importantly the thing that has helped me more than anything when i've been down - My Friends!
This kinky journey myself and my fellow subs are on can be a very lonely one. We can't talk to our vanilla friends or family about out kink life which is such a huge part of who we are. That is why i am so happy we have been able to find each other and form our wee subs union.
I especially want to mention two people..
First up Marmy, such a nice guy and a vital part of the subs union, its no secret that he has his own issues to deal with but if he see's you are down he is always one of the first ones to send a nice message to help cheer you up and that means a lot to me.
Mondrian - my friend... I have lost count now the number of times he has been there for me when i've needed someone to chat to. You see the thing is, a lot of the time when i get down i get it in my head that i'm a nuisance to Mistress Elysia so i get hesitant to contact her. These are the times when Mondrian has been there to step in and be a shoulder to cry on as it were. He is an absolute gem of a man and i am so happy to have been able to get to know him this past year, and incidentally the subs union cooking club started recently has been a fun distraction.
To the rest of the subs union i thank you all! Your friendship is by far the best defence against sub drop.